Once Upon A Time

My mom was nice... That time is NOT now. She's a beast. A horrible monster out to ruin everyone's life, just to make hers look better. She HAS to have power twenty four seven. Even if there IS another parent involved. She talks shit about my dad, then flirts with him every chance she gets.LAME; He hates her. She starts flipping shit at me yesterday RIGHT before I went into surgery, then she flips even more today when I'm in stellar pain, since they didn't put me on strong enough pain medicine... She's like so ridiculous... Just because I've actually stayed over her house for three nights in like the past six months, she thinks that I'll come back now that she can flip shit at me?? Bullshit.. i can't stand her.. I really can not.. If she says one more bad thing about me, my father, Dan, my sister, my cousin, or any of my family, the only family that I want around, I am going to SNAP. I'm not even being sarcastic... She is the worst monster in the world. All she does is feed off of other peoples unhappiness, and she's so two faced about it. She's a total jerk to me, but god forbid someone is around or one of my friends is here, she's the sweetest motherfucker you'll ever encounter, but please, take my word. She is ridiculous. She needs help. I need help, BECAUSE she needs help. It is one thing to yell, it is another to scream for no reason, over socks, in a hospital. It is also okay to get angry, and express that, but do not blame your problems on people I love. She needs help.

mhm; isee.

So, basically last night, I watched Repo: The genetic opera, and it was the best movie i've seen in my entire life.. I SO can not wait until April to go see it with a shadowcast, if transportation permits! gosh, there's been so much going through my mind lately that I don't even know where to start, so I'll put it off until later.
mkay;?

But it's only the weak, they wait for glory;;

So, my mom is being outrageously, ridiculously lame. I'm so fucking pissed at her... Like she's mad because I go to my dad's rather than cleaning for her, or going to her house where she has no internet, no phone, and no television;; Oh, and I don't have a cell phone... No communication, much? And now, I'm stranded at dan's, and I can't get to her house to keep her from being angry... She only wants me there so i can clean for her and do all her work for her.... God, it's so fucking lame..

Yeah; UHDER!

Sooo;;; basically, I'm sitting on dan's couch in his basement at his dad's while him and adam record musickz.... Like NO ONE Is online... Lawlz. So, I pretty much feel like a huge LOSUHH when I'm blogging, because i feel like I'm talking to no one... But that's pretty cool;; huh?! Bleck; i have *sooo* much make up homework to do.. *vomits. I wanna hear a song, but I don't know what I want to hear... WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DO THEN?! YOU PUT IT ON SHUFFLE! WOOO.

AND THE WINNER IS::: I'm Sorry - Flyleaf.

Decent. HERM. http://www.youtube.com/user/swiftkaratechop

pce.

It's my blog; i'll post all I want.

Once upon a time, there was this girl. She was a lonely girl, who cried a lot... People didn't get that she was lonely.. She had friends, family, a boyfriend, plenty of people who'd go for her... But that didn't mean much to her. She still felt lonely..... There was no one like her, no one understood the innermost workings of her mind, the part that was the loneliest, the part that needed the most attention, and understanding. So, one day, the lonely girl set out to find someone who understood her; She looked high and low, left and right, round and round, but came up with nothing... At that point, she found a doggy. Not a real doggy, but a stuffed one. As she told him all her thoughts, she realized that all she really needed was somewhere to let her mind go, somewhere to not be judged, somewhere that she can contemplate what trees do in other dimensions... This stuffed puppy became her journal... She told him everything, and nobody could ever know; however, once people realised that the little girl was losing all her friends, becoming distant from her family, and losing connections with her boyfriend, they became curious. They followed the girl, discovered that she was only talking to the puppy. You know what they did? They took it from her. And now, she cries a thousand times more... BASTARDS.

Yea, not done.

I've decided I'm not at all done venting.
Not even close.
I have so much more to say, but no way to express this... I have so many things to say and i don't know how to say them... I hate these types of things... I wish I could just explain how I feel, but its impossible to do everything. I'm not allowed to talk to the one person I have a zillion questions for:
Is it my fault?
Did I go too far?
Am I the only one who isn't allowed to speak?
How did I get to the point where I'm not allowed to speak?
Why don't I believe you when you say it isn't me?
How many times to I have to fail before I succeed?
There are so many more.. I just wish I could ask.. I try to be friendly, but its just not working. I want to be perfect, I want to talk to someone... But I can't. So now what? Wow, I ramble, but that's alright with me...

But now I'm allowed.?
Oh, nevermind. That will all end soon.. It was just about a show...
Lameness...

long time.

Well, I haven't updated in a long time... I guess I mostly just vent when i go on here, which I don't mind, so I'm going to continue with that... So, with me and dan... That's not going good... Its so lame lately... Like everything that used to be amazing, is crashing and burning... I feel so helpless as I watch basically my life crumble into little pieces.. Dan just acts so different nowerdays, I'm guessing its because he takes upon so many more responsibilities than he did in the beginning of the relationship, and I still have zero responcibilities. Dan is in college, has a job, lives lightyears away... I do nothing. I live life, go to highschool, try to have some fun, but it's so hard with him... he's like a brick... All he wants to do is computer+music; I feel so left out, being an antinerd and having no musical talent.. We've been talking about doing a side project type thing, music wise, but it just doesn't happen... I feel like we have zip in common anymore and like we do nothing together, and he feels like he can't do all the things he used to do before we got "serious" or whatever... I dunnoh, it's just pretty lame. I love him more than anything ever, but I just don't know what to do, i never want to lose him EVER, I am so willing to change for Daniel that it's not even funny, I just don't know how to change... It's hard for me to change, but I'll do it... Even if it proves to suck balls for me, I don't care, I just want him to be happy... I miss having so much fun with him... And we have our moments of awesome, but I feel like we lack... Everything used to be so carefree when he used to be a highschooler, and ever since he's turned old, it's gone... Everything is...