Icky Day

Today is one of those days. A day where I wish that I was taken into the grasps of death the night before. I have no reason to why I feel this way, I just kind of do. I have done nothing but sit upon my couch in my bedroom and loath every molecule of living in today's world. Happiness is draining from my body, slowly but surely, and I'm almost positive that pretty soon it will completely run out, and at that point, there will be nothing left to me. I need to get as far away from everyone I know before that happens, but I can not escape the life that I am stuck in at this point; therefore, I have no where to go, and I will slowly fall into a deep, black abyss. Congratulations to those of you whom enjoy your life in many ways... I loath you in any possible way.

WootWoot

I'm at Brewed.... I'm wicked bored...waiting for dan to come down here...

Tonight is Rocky Horror and i'm SOUPPED. (:
I love RH. It's so much fun.


<3

Happier.

Okay, so Dan came down today, and I'm doing a lot better with this whole him moving thing.... Of course I'm going to miss him and stuff still, but I think we're going to make this work.... I don't know what I was thinking, thinking about breaking up with him... I love him sooo much (:


I'm watching Jackass Number two right now... it makes me smile a lot...(:


I'm really pissed at my stupid mother though... She told me that Dan could stay here tomorrow night like yesterday, and now she's taking it back, and me and Dan had made plans like a month or more a go, and now she's like all paranoid about his dad coming here, and she won't just stfu, since he lives my his mother's rules now... I hate it :( I don't know how we're going to hang out tomorrow night now, because we want to go to Rocky Horror, and like I just dunnoh... It's like ugh :(


Oh well. We'll figure out something.

<3

:'(

Well, Dan's gone... What now?

I've been crying for the past hour straight... :/

I'm watching P.S. I Love You.... I should be preparing for the three exams that I have to make up tomorrow, but I can't focus...

I'm so confused. :(

I hate life.

I hate love.

Douchebags and sadness...

Okay, so today, Like right when we were supposed to be leaving, Dan's father shows up at my house wanting to talk to my mother.... So yeah, He does and the whole time it's a bash on Lydan and MOSTLY Dan fest.... It pissed me and my mother right off. So like she kept telling him that we had to leave and he wouldn't stfu... Like seriously.... For the past like fourtyfive minutes, my mother and I have been venting about how much of an asswhole this dude is.... Like he called his own son a liar and a sneak and all this shit, and he's basically trying to get my mother to force me to break up with Dan (she'd never do that, she loves dan)... Luckily my mother was there to stick up for Daniel... I mean, seriously... this man is a beast.... Like no one could ever do something like that to their son.... Like he seriously was basically calling me a tramp and shizz and saying all this stuff about what I wrote in Dan's yearbook (which is DAN'S yearbook, and he didn't even REALLY have a right looking through it)..... Now my mom's gonna read the yearbook, and it's really nothing all that bad... So yeah.. Me and my mother just can't believe how rude and douchebaggish Dan's father was..... Like my mom is like "me and your father were the same age gap as you and dan... Dan's dad is totally rediculous...." Like ugh... he's such an ass hole... I can't stand it....Ugh. :/

Another thing, now... Dan's really reallly moving to Providence... :/ I dunno if I'm gunna be able to handle it and stuff... I'm really glad that he's getting out, and I hope that we can make it, but I just don't know.... It's tough... I mean, he's the love of my life, and I see him every day, faithfully, and now I just don't know how I'm going to handle it... Like just today I've almost burst out into tears several times.... Like I don't know if I should even try to handle it... We've been going out for three months, and I don't know whats going to hurt more: Loving him, breaking up with him and giving him a chance to have a love closer to him and closer to his age... Or staying with him and us never seeing each other... I guess this is going to be one of the toughest choices I've ever made... But I'm kind of scared for my well being and our relationship's well being, because I'm already scared about our relationship falling apart and stuff and I'm so insecure about him breaking up with me for someone else and stuff, and I don't know if I should just spare him the trouble and break up with him myself.... I suppose these are the things I really need to think through before I make a descision that could truly screw up my life... I also don't want to be missing him too much and start self destruction (again).... Yeah... I just don't know....He truly means everything to me.... It's scary... I mean, I know that him living in Providence and working in Providence and then going to College next year, he's going to have like a million chances to find someone new, and someone closer to his age and chances to make his family happy... Which is another thing.. I never know if he's just staying with me to get back at his dad, whom I know doesn't want me and Daniel together.... So I'm probably just some freaky, paranoid SOB who needs to relax, but I just don't know if I can....

Well, I'm now off to get the elecktroids off of my head, and I was just informed that through some tests that I not only have brain damage from seizures from when I was a kid, but the damage may be getting worse, so hopefully everything gets better, but I'm starting to lose all faith in life and myself... So i just don't know what to do anymore....

Not Brewed.

Okay so Today I get the elecktroids off of my head! Yay! Dan slept over and it went uber well... I can't believe my mother suggested it :P . He's a weirdo... He's sitting behind me reading what I write and sometimes tickling me... haha. Well, I have to go eat some breakfasttt(:

Brewed.

mkay, so yeah.... Prom went well... Mine is gonna be like ten thousand times better, though. (: All my friends will be there and stuff, so yeah.... I'm at Brewed with Dan right now... I have electroids attached to my head and they're annoying and I look like a freak; although, I do have a hat on, but I still look rather freakish... Just a little less freakish. Lol... You can see the gauze under it and stuff, and I've been quite self conscious all day, but oh well.

The Prom...

Okay... So it's just about that time... I'm in my dress and I got my hair done... I must say I look pretty awesome (: Dan's here. We're using this mad ghetto rigged car. Appearently I "look so beautiful," says daniel. My mommy went out and bought the flowers and stuff and they match me and look amazing... (she bought them, due to the lack of money, since Dan is currently out of work.) Girrr. Daniel is so annoying.. but in a good(ish) way... haha. I love him, but he makes me wanna kick babies sometimes :P


So yeah... I'll write more after prom and stuff.<3

BLah. Okay, so someone should have like given me a memo about the fact that when you go out with a senior as a freshman, you get a LOT of shit when it comes to prom?! Like seriously... No one has shut the fuck up... Ugh... It's the day before and I've been like crying like all day because I don't even know why... there's so much pressure now that it's the end of the year and and everything, and my boyfriend has to go to stupid college next year. To top everything else off, his father and step mother hate my guts... well, I mean, granted they *are* kinda douchebags... but still, I hate that his family disapproves of me... It puts me under this huge amount of pressure also on top of everything else... I just don't know what to do.. I can feel as though I'm at the breaking point... seriously.... Today has been the worst day of my life... My head is *pounding,* I don't have any idea how they hell I'm supposed to get to prom, because my boyfriend really hasn't exactly told me anything.... I don't even think he knows... and my shoes are ugly.

I don't wanna go... But like I do.. I just wish everyone would stop lecturing me about stupid stuff that I know better than to do.. It's like no one trusts me, and it's only since I started going out with Dan.. It's like so unfair... :(


I'm tired... But something tells me that sleep + me = not going to happen tonight... Ugh... I hate life.