You

To You:

You need to get things straight.

You need to open your eyes.

You need to think about your values.

What is the point?

Why are they the things they are?

Car, Money, Possessions?

Are they really that important?

Important enough to neglect your family?

Friends?

The ones you say you love?

The way you act, really, it shows that this may be true: That you would give everything up, except for your money and possessions.

Do you really feel that you could not share those things, to make the ones you love happy?

Would you really not give it all up in an instance, to give them one last chance? To see them again?

These are the things you should realize.

These are the things you should think of.

If in the end, they are not so important, then why are they now?
Should you not live as though now was the last chance you could have to see these last people?

As though you or they may not make it through tomorrow?

How are you to know if they will live or die?

How are you to know if you will live or die?

Would you really like for the last chance you have to see them, to do something with them, to make them happy, to be spent with your possessions?

To be spent obsessing over the small things,

While you neglect to show those people, pets or living objects that you care?

Do you really feel as though showing your possessions the appreciation, time, money, care is more important, than showing it to the ones who love you?

The ones who show it?

The ones who truly care.

Do you feel as though it is more important to think about the things that are replaceable, than to think about the things that are not?

You, my friend, need to sit down and think.

Need to realize what should be more important.

Think about how much better it would make the ones who appreciate you feel, if you could just appreciate them in return.

Because in the end, you may never get the chance.

-Me

One more time.

Here it goes again... How much fun.... Maybe I'm gonna take a hike today with my dad... That might be fun... Ugh. I want it all to end, too bad I'm too much of a pussy.

Anger.

It's so ridiculous how the people who do not deserve nice things, get everything... They breeze by, they smoke, drink, do nothing, get horrible grades, do horrible work, and yet they get anything they want from everyone around them... I like to call myself a really good student [All A's and B's with the exception of one class, that I wasn't even supposed to get out of, and so I got switched into a lower level], I don't smoke, I don't drink, I do the work I can, and I get pissed on... I never get rewarded. Sometimes, I think I should just give up on trying, maybe then someone will realize that I deserve some type of reward for my good behavior... I'm not being whiney or conceided or ungrateful, I just feel like I deserve better than what I've got, if these types of people get the most amazing things I can think of... It's just so unfair that this is going on... I don't understand any of this crap. Like seriously how is that the way things work? Who has designed this world to be this way? My parents can't afford to get me these things, even though I know the least I deserve is a freaking cell phone....

A tidbit of what i wish to do:

I wish to be in a band.
I enjoy singing, apparently i'm not *too* shabby..
I just lack the other elements of a band... Yuh know:
Drums
Guitar
Or synths+drum machine to make up for the guitar and drums ;;


I feel it would be SO kewl and fun, and daniel teased me by having us come up with a band name and everything, but he won't make a band with me :[
Anyone want to make a band.?

wowowow.

I'm going to Boston tonight on a field trip to see a dress rehearsal for some play... I have no idear which one... I'm basically more excited for taking the ride there with devin and madison and everyone from chorus[: It should be super amazingly fun. [: I've been SO tired lately, it's so lame... I went to a shiny toy guns concert the other night, and it was pretty depressing... Carah Faye quit the band, and the new girl [Sisely Treasure] is pretty good on the new songs, that she was part of writing and stuff, but she tried to pull off the old stuff, and it was just absolutely horrible. :[ And like no one realised how amazing Carah was [the people who were with me], since they'd never seen the band with her live... And I have and it was sad... And dan was being a douchy all night... It kinda sucked for a bit, but I still had lots of fun.... All American Rejects were WAY too loud, so I couldn't stand being in the actual show, so mee and dan went and sat in the lobby.... It was really good from out there... hah... :/

cause I'm just a teenage dirt bag baby, I listen to iron maiden babyyy;

So, basically... It all sucks. Nuff said.

lalalala.

Sooo;; I'm at the MadChi band practice... I took my pain meds and now i'm all dizzy and shaky and walkdsjf;lkasdf weird. haha;;; Fun xD. lollololol; but yeah, they have a shoowww tonighttt so that should be pretty kewl, lulz.

Once Upon A Time

My mom was nice... That time is NOT now. She's a beast. A horrible monster out to ruin everyone's life, just to make hers look better. She HAS to have power twenty four seven. Even if there IS another parent involved. She talks shit about my dad, then flirts with him every chance she gets.LAME; He hates her. She starts flipping shit at me yesterday RIGHT before I went into surgery, then she flips even more today when I'm in stellar pain, since they didn't put me on strong enough pain medicine... She's like so ridiculous... Just because I've actually stayed over her house for three nights in like the past six months, she thinks that I'll come back now that she can flip shit at me?? Bullshit.. i can't stand her.. I really can not.. If she says one more bad thing about me, my father, Dan, my sister, my cousin, or any of my family, the only family that I want around, I am going to SNAP. I'm not even being sarcastic... She is the worst monster in the world. All she does is feed off of other peoples unhappiness, and she's so two faced about it. She's a total jerk to me, but god forbid someone is around or one of my friends is here, she's the sweetest motherfucker you'll ever encounter, but please, take my word. She is ridiculous. She needs help. I need help, BECAUSE she needs help. It is one thing to yell, it is another to scream for no reason, over socks, in a hospital. It is also okay to get angry, and express that, but do not blame your problems on people I love. She needs help.

mhm; isee.

So, basically last night, I watched Repo: The genetic opera, and it was the best movie i've seen in my entire life.. I SO can not wait until April to go see it with a shadowcast, if transportation permits! gosh, there's been so much going through my mind lately that I don't even know where to start, so I'll put it off until later.
mkay;?

But it's only the weak, they wait for glory;;

So, my mom is being outrageously, ridiculously lame. I'm so fucking pissed at her... Like she's mad because I go to my dad's rather than cleaning for her, or going to her house where she has no internet, no phone, and no television;; Oh, and I don't have a cell phone... No communication, much? And now, I'm stranded at dan's, and I can't get to her house to keep her from being angry... She only wants me there so i can clean for her and do all her work for her.... God, it's so fucking lame..

Yeah; UHDER!

Sooo;;; basically, I'm sitting on dan's couch in his basement at his dad's while him and adam record musickz.... Like NO ONE Is online... Lawlz. So, I pretty much feel like a huge LOSUHH when I'm blogging, because i feel like I'm talking to no one... But that's pretty cool;; huh?! Bleck; i have *sooo* much make up homework to do.. *vomits. I wanna hear a song, but I don't know what I want to hear... WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DO THEN?! YOU PUT IT ON SHUFFLE! WOOO.

AND THE WINNER IS::: I'm Sorry - Flyleaf.

Decent. HERM. http://www.youtube.com/user/swiftkaratechop

pce.

It's my blog; i'll post all I want.

Once upon a time, there was this girl. She was a lonely girl, who cried a lot... People didn't get that she was lonely.. She had friends, family, a boyfriend, plenty of people who'd go for her... But that didn't mean much to her. She still felt lonely..... There was no one like her, no one understood the innermost workings of her mind, the part that was the loneliest, the part that needed the most attention, and understanding. So, one day, the lonely girl set out to find someone who understood her; She looked high and low, left and right, round and round, but came up with nothing... At that point, she found a doggy. Not a real doggy, but a stuffed one. As she told him all her thoughts, she realized that all she really needed was somewhere to let her mind go, somewhere to not be judged, somewhere that she can contemplate what trees do in other dimensions... This stuffed puppy became her journal... She told him everything, and nobody could ever know; however, once people realised that the little girl was losing all her friends, becoming distant from her family, and losing connections with her boyfriend, they became curious. They followed the girl, discovered that she was only talking to the puppy. You know what they did? They took it from her. And now, she cries a thousand times more... BASTARDS.

Yea, not done.

I've decided I'm not at all done venting.
Not even close.
I have so much more to say, but no way to express this... I have so many things to say and i don't know how to say them... I hate these types of things... I wish I could just explain how I feel, but its impossible to do everything. I'm not allowed to talk to the one person I have a zillion questions for:
Is it my fault?
Did I go too far?
Am I the only one who isn't allowed to speak?
How did I get to the point where I'm not allowed to speak?
Why don't I believe you when you say it isn't me?
How many times to I have to fail before I succeed?
There are so many more.. I just wish I could ask.. I try to be friendly, but its just not working. I want to be perfect, I want to talk to someone... But I can't. So now what? Wow, I ramble, but that's alright with me...

But now I'm allowed.?
Oh, nevermind. That will all end soon.. It was just about a show...
Lameness...

long time.

Well, I haven't updated in a long time... I guess I mostly just vent when i go on here, which I don't mind, so I'm going to continue with that... So, with me and dan... That's not going good... Its so lame lately... Like everything that used to be amazing, is crashing and burning... I feel so helpless as I watch basically my life crumble into little pieces.. Dan just acts so different nowerdays, I'm guessing its because he takes upon so many more responsibilities than he did in the beginning of the relationship, and I still have zero responcibilities. Dan is in college, has a job, lives lightyears away... I do nothing. I live life, go to highschool, try to have some fun, but it's so hard with him... he's like a brick... All he wants to do is computer+music; I feel so left out, being an antinerd and having no musical talent.. We've been talking about doing a side project type thing, music wise, but it just doesn't happen... I feel like we have zip in common anymore and like we do nothing together, and he feels like he can't do all the things he used to do before we got "serious" or whatever... I dunnoh, it's just pretty lame. I love him more than anything ever, but I just don't know what to do, i never want to lose him EVER, I am so willing to change for Daniel that it's not even funny, I just don't know how to change... It's hard for me to change, but I'll do it... Even if it proves to suck balls for me, I don't care, I just want him to be happy... I miss having so much fun with him... And we have our moments of awesome, but I feel like we lack... Everything used to be so carefree when he used to be a highschooler, and ever since he's turned old, it's gone... Everything is...

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Gandhi

So; When did I win? I've been ignored; they laughed at me, I was fought. I lost.

I think I should win soon?

Maybe not.

I'll just be a loser for life... yay.

Okaywow.

So A lot has happened since last time i published a blog... I had to go to florida, my grandfather and my mother have cancer. I have to get a rootcanal and filling done all in the same week, and i'm terrified of my dentist... I read all four twilight books, can we say obsession? Me and Dan have been pretty okay, i guess... I hate how he's so much older and all like workworkwork schoolschoolschool and pawtucketpawtucketpawtucket. It blows hard. I dunnoh how much more I can take of it... I tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't really get it... Oh well... I have a new obsession with TaB, the soda from the sixties... it is simply amazing.... And I'm going through exams right now... So i guess you can say miih life is pretty hecktic, eh?